This article will help you engage more effectively with people when attempting to be persuasive. 

Have you ever heard someone say "I've told you a thousand times"? I think we've all been on the end of that! So what's at the bottom of this? Why don't people listen? Well, Hugh Mackay wrote an excellent book by that title back in 1994. If you're in the business of communicating with people, teaching, training or leading, you should try and get your hands on a copy. It really is excellent, and worth the effort. Hugh writes about the the three 'Rs'; Relationship, Reinforcement and Relevance.

If you're wondering why you're not hitting the mark as well as you thought you might have, or should have, it's probably because you haven't taken the time to build an authentic personal relationship with the receiver of your message. People are much more likely to buy in to your message if they believe you know them, are interested in them succeeding and generally care about them. Or, perhaps you haven't crafted your message in such a way so as to reinforce important elements of their personal 'world-view'. That is to say, you may not have positively affirmed the receiver's current beliefs, attitudes and behaviours around your message. Or, you may not have taken the time to ensure your message is targeted at what the receiver thinks is important. Just because a message is important to you, doesn't mean it will connect with the receiver.

In the worst case, the person on the end of you message may not trust you, may think your message is far removed from things happening in their world, and not relevant, at least not at this moment in time.
You can use the three 'Rs' as a kind of self-assessment when reflecting on how you talk to people (or talk at people), or perhaps as a diagnostic when things don't go as you planned.
One thing is for sure, and I hope you have picked up on this, that listening is far more important than telling. And as the best teachers will attest, "Telling isn't teaching!".

I'm planning to follow this topic up soon with an article on how positively motivated people engage with requests to change their behaviour. It will be titled, "Telling Isn't teaching". 

If you’d like help understanding, applying or sharing these principles, please ask. Cheers, Jeremy Williams www.drivertrainingaustralia.com.au.

First published January 2022

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